Yes yes YES

[eleri]

Open Source Boob Project

Why the hell shouldn't I be able to go up to someone and say "You know, your breasts/ass/hair/face is really beautiful, can I touch it?", and have them have the right to say yes or no, without threat, shame or implied demand. Just a simple question, like "Can I have a sip of your soda?". All it says is that I appreciate the art that is your body, and would like to show that appreciation. No strings, no implication of right to do more. Just appreciate.

Since Zander has linked to over here, I want to make sure a few of my comments from the OP make it over here, too. Sadly, all of those comments have now gone, because the OP has been altered, and an error deleted the comments.

Whether or not the Open Source Boob Project ever happens at any other convention, anywhere, ever...my opinion about the concept still stands. Asking should not be a crime. Giving permission to be asked should not be a crime.

Comments

[blessed-harlot.livejournal.com]

Oooo, thanks for posting that! It's a great, and complex, story.

[eleri.livejournal.com]

I think the thing I'm finding most interesting, is the very vocal idea that to ask automatically makes you Creepy Stalker, or that you're objectifying, or that you have some sort of ill intent.

The right of people to say "no" should absolutely be held inviolate. But why is it that the asking is so wildly and violently condemed?

[hylianjean.livejournal.com]

Wow.. I.... cannot decide how I would react to such a question..
Strange though that I already know that I could count on one hand the number of people I'd be comfortable sharing a sip of soda with. My soda is jealously guarded. :P (but then, my life has long been ruled by the fear of the common cootie) >o,o,O

[novapsyche.livejournal.com]

Well, I can't answer your question, but I did get a "YES, you may" button at PenguiCon this year.

[farmleaf.livejournal.com]

Why the hell shouldn't I be able to go up to someone and say "You know, your breasts/ass/hair/face is really beautiful, can I touch it?",

Because then I'd also be able to get righteously indignant than someone is looking at my boobs instead of at the whole of me and/or cold-cock the person asking. I am more than my boobs. I was having this conversation with my husband last night, actually. Wanna piss me off? Talk to my cleavage. That'll do it. ;D

[farmleaf.livejournal.com]

Then again, I can count on about three fingers the number of people I willingly allow to touch me without me being highly uncomfortable about it. I have endured years of childhood sexual and physical abuse. People are simply just not allowed to touch me unless I seek it out from them or I say it's okay. I guess this makes me irretrievably uptight or hung-up or something to think that my body is my own and not to be lightly shared.

[eleri.livejournal.com]

I don't think it makes you uptight at all. Setting your own boundaries is a good thing. What I'm finding fascinating bout the concept overall, is that people see the mere asking as a malicious act.

[theferrett.livejournal.com]

Please. Not at all.

It's about what you're comfortable with. If that would make you uncomfortable, then please don't do it. The reason we got the red buttons was so that nobody would ever assume - which, given that the default is "off," shouldn't be necessary, but we wanted an out for people who didn't even want to endure the question.

There's nothing wrong with you about that. It's just what you want, and that's really and truly cool.

And I personally have yelled at more than one guy for the boob-talking. Eyes are up there, dude.

[blessed-harlot.livejournal.com]

It was a really great story, ferrett, I'm very grateful you shared it with us. And as I've said elsewhere, just because the sharing evoked anger and discomfort, doesn't mean it wasn't a big success. Body issues do that. You're raising the issues of consent and communication, and those are awesome.

[eleri.livejournal.com]

But why is it, that the automatic assumption is that if someone takes not of your boobs, they must not have noticed anything else?

[farmleaf.livejournal.com]

Because I have had more than five people stand around and literally talk to my cleavage before, I shit you not. I've had to actually refer to them by name and tell them point blank "My face is up here". Needless to say, none of them are my friend anymore. I tend to cut that sort of person out of my life. Even my own husband says that what attracted him to me first was my breasts, nothing else.

How's your kitten klatsch? Keiko's getting fatter and Timmy's decided he'd like to be barn kitty, kthnx. :D

[farmleaf.livejournal.com]

Oh, I didn't answer your question very well, I don't think. Why I find it not malicious but definitely an aggressive act on someone else's part is because I find touching breasts, butts and genitals to be a sexual act. That's just my opinion. I also was raised in a culture (Southern) where these actions are sexualized and are also outside the bounds of societal norms, which during my upbringing were not publically crossed. What you did in the privacy of your home was your business, even if it was beating your kids or your spouse or worse, etc.

Southern society at the time of my upbringing was pretty hypocritical but it did color my way of thinking today and my moral and values codes too. I take what I feel is best out of it all and use that. I've tried to discard the hypocrisy but may be committing such unknowingly.

Plus, well, if the tables were turned and I walked up to someone and complimented their ballsack and then asked if I could rack it because I just LOOOOVE that (not really but you get my point), it would not be allowed under any circumstance. I realize that that is probably not a good analogy but what I'm trying to illustrate is how I feel such behavior is an aggression and not necessarily a compliment to me. Like I said, I'm an uptight prude who really needs to get laid, I'm sure. *laugh*

[theferrett.livejournal.com]

Actually, I open-sourced the sack in question and had four takers. Two of whom did not reciprocate.

Not saying you're wrong to feel as you do, but I just want you to know that yeah, it DOES go both ways, and there are circumstances where it was allowed.

[nsingman.livejournal.com]

Thanks for linking this! I already asked theferrett for permission (which he granted) to link it as well.

[solcita.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I just can't get behind this one. I'm too squicked by the whole thing.

[zanda-myrande.livejournal.com]

I see your point, and agree to an extent. I also agree to an extent with another of my LJ friends who is very much against.

I'd like to link to your post and to hers, and invite debate on this in mine, if you are both agreeable.

[eleri.livejournal.com]

go for it

[zanda-myrande.livejournal.com]

I have done so, here.

[bassbone.livejournal.com]

I think I'd be rather uncomfortable with asking to touch a strange woman's breasts. Then again I am a rather shy type usually.

[gcuvier.livejournal.com]

If people are maintaining their own boundaries and others are respecting those boundaries, then why not?